Growing up, I sadly never got to consciously experience One Direction when they were still together. I have only gotten to really know the boys’ history over the past three years after getting into Harry’s music. My first ever concert was, in fact, a Harry Styles concert. I’ve been to four more since then and would consider myself a big fan.
I remember a conversation I once had with my mom about Harry Styles and what I would do if he died. “You’re crazy,” I said. “That’ll never happen—he’s so young. They’re all so young.” Well, they were so young. These recent events have made me reflect on what celebrities passing away, especially those many feel strong connections to, does to us and what changes when it’s not a “normal” person.
On Thursday, October 17 I wake up to a text from a friend saying, ISABEL, HAVE U HEARD. I had in fact not, because it was seven in the morning. Upon opening the Instagram app on my phone, I’m immediately spammed with story after story posting one or the other official announcement that Liam Payne has passed. I couldn’t believe it. I had to think back to that conversation I had with my mom, so sure I would be having a midlife crisis by the time one of the boys died. But no. It’s 2024 and people are saying the first One Direction reunion we’ll get is going to be at Liam’s funeral. What a sad thing to have to say.
I spent the rest of the day in somewhat of a trance, talking to friends and family about it, and everyone is a little off-balance. This is very much reflective of how I feel towards death in general. Personally, I tend to say it’s my biggest fear for myself. I often times get anxiety and/or panic attacks just thinking about it. My experience with people (close to me) dying is fairly limited, but it has always been one of disconnection. It’s so strange to me to think of a person who is a part of your life as being there one minute and gone the next. That’s why I think this whole idea around celebrities passing away so fascinating because these are people we do not know, and yet, we grieve them just as strongly.
We are grieving a persona, an image, an idea… not really a person, are we?
In Liam’s case, the debate around his character and past has been fired up since Maya Henry’s book release, and it is valid. Now, there are so many ambiguities. Do we forgive and forget? Can we grieve the person he “once was” and condemn the person he became? How do we appropriately and fully honor his legacy without tarnishing his reputation? These are all valid questions, questions we ask about figures in the public eye. Zayn’s statement was one filled with regrets and truly heartbreaking to read, but it is only another element to the story. There are these expectations of Zayn, Niall, Louis, and Harry to “produce a statement”, “say something”, say anything. Niall Horan left his house in London, and suddenly there’s paparazzi pictures of him everywhere. For them, there is no real mourning period, no privacy.
Fans were pushing for statements, creating edits (this one truly broke my heart), and holding memorials all over the world. They’ve been just as, if not more, involved than perhaps Liam’s friends and family themselves. I know that as fans we feel like we know these people because we’ve seen their work, heard their songs, and been privy to things that ordinary people might not share so freely on the internet. But that is precisely the issue! It is a thing of immediacy—we have forgotten that 99,99 percent of people have never met the “celebrity” in question and know nothing about them. Then how is it that we can be so affected?
It’s because we are mourning our own lives, in a sense. The lives we had at the time when they were popular. Our childhoods, our early twenties, or other different phases of our lives. The connection we feel to celebrities is valid and therefore, it is valid to mourn.
Every time somebody passes away, we are once again reminded of our own finality. It’s a push to be better, more kind, and hopeful. It is Zayn’s regret that rattles us awake and asks us to open our hearts. We look to a person like him in search for guidance, like many of us used to look at Liam. And yes, there will be drama around his death and legacy, but it is important that we consider his family, his child, as well as the boy that Liam himself once used to be. Because they don’t deserve any of this, but it is what inevitably happens when you have celebrity status in this online-driven world.